American Mom Thinks This Could Explain Why Parents in Europe Are 'So Chill'

There is plenty of advice online but there isn't a manual that comes with parenting. However, one American tourist has suggested that the U.S. could learn something from the way Spanish parents raise their kids.

During a vacation in Barcelona, Spain, Kris Buckhout wondered why the parents were "so chill and carefree." Then suddenly, after exploring the park a little more, she realized why. There was a bar—something she feels would be useful in American outdoor play areas, too.

The TikTok clip captioned: "USA, take note" has racked up 2.8 million views since it was posted on March 23.

Buckhout, from Los Angeles, California, told Newsweek: "I feel that us Americans are more uptight than the average household but aren't really sure how to go about becoming a laid-back parent."

The video shows parents standing around chatting while their children play in a sandy recreation area in the park. Other parents rock back and forth on the swings with their children on their laps. Nearby, people are standing and sitting around a bar.

The content creator, who uses the handle @kris_buckhout, said that European parents seem to be "more lax."

"It seems as though their children do not run the family dynamic; instead they coexist alongside each other," she said.

Newsweek discussed the video with Ana Aznar, a Madrid-born child psychologist and founder of REC parenting, an online platform supporting parents and caregivers.

"There are big cultural differences in parenting. American parents raise their children to be independent whereas in collectivist countries, fitting in with the group is the aim," Aznar said.

"From this perspective, parenting practices depend on factors such as values and beliefs, the weather, the physical setting, the family structure, or working patterns. All of these factors influence how we parent our children."

Aznar continued: "The U.S. at the moment is favoring a very intensive way of parenting. Parents invest a lot, in terms of resources, time, and emotions on their children. There are many reasons for this: parents do not have extended family close by, people are becoming parents much later, they are more educated and they want to do a good job because being a parent is essential to their identity.

"There is also the widespread idea that parents need to be perfect; otherwise, they will ruin their children's lives. In contrast, whereas Spain has gone through some societal changes, with families becoming smaller, the family is still the core of society."

She said that parents in Spain tend to have more support and children are welcomed everywhere, including spaces where alcohol is consumed.

While there is "no one size fits all" in the parenting field, research indicates that intensive parenting isn't beneficial for kids.

"We must let our children fail and learn from their mistakes so they can learn to deal with frustrations and become resilient. That way, they will acquire the tools to deal with whatever life throws at them because, let's face it, as parents, we won't always be able to solve all our kids' problems," Aznar said.

"At the same time, intensive parenting also seems to be negative for parents because it may lead to burnout and feelings of guilt and isolation. Parenting was never intended to be done in isolation; parents need their tribe. This is something that parents in the U.S. seem to be missing, whereas in Spain remains strong."

Buckhout told Newsweek that she will leave her European holiday with not only memories but a somewhat new outlook on parenting.

"I can't say that two weeks in another country can change almost seven years of anyone's parenting style, but I hope to take home more patience, trust and compassion when it comes to my children," she said.

What Do the Comments Say?

TikTok users couldn't agree more with Aznar. So far, the popular video shared to @kris_buckhout has amassed 272,300 likes and more than 1,330 comments.

One user said, "I heard over there the children are brought along to whatever adults are doing, in USA they center their day around the kids..."

"This is because a lot of Europe has 'public' space not 'adult' space and 'kid' space. Going out to a nice dinner? Why wouldn't kids come? Spending the day at the park? Why wouldn't your friends come?" said another.

A third commenter said: "I'm Shocked at the amount of dads being involved! That's what America needs to take note of!"

Buckhout replied: "It was so refreshing to see."

Update 3/29/24, 9:49 a.m. ET: This article was updated with comment and content from the OP, Kris Buckhout.

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