Western Pennsylvania restaurant workers dish on dining etiquette
Workers in the food service industry have their plates full navigating menus, taking orders, making drinks, cleaning tables and running food orders — all while keeping customers happy.
The restaurant industry generates more than $28 billion in tips annually, according to a 2023 report from Gitnux, which specializes in consumer behavior statistics.
The average restaurant tip rate is 18% in the U.S., with eight out of 10 diners tipping at full-service restaurants.
From customers who are kind or rude, patient or demanding, Western Pennsylvania restaurant servers and bartenders recently weighed in on the issues that matter to them.
Critical customers
Kimberly Smith of Tarentum is just looking for a little respect.
A restaurant server for more than 15 years, Smith works lunch and dinner shifts at J.G.’s Tarentum Station Grille in Tarentum several days a week and said she’s often discouraged by how some customers treat waitstaff.
“Most customers don’t realize servers often have college degrees,” said Smith, who earned a bachelor’s degree in business management and marketing. “I found this is my career path that I do best in.”
Smith said her regular customers are the kindest, but some customers treat her downright poorly.
“They act like I’m their servant. Don’t treat me that way,” said Smith, recalling a female patron who berated her during a busy lunch shift.
No eye contact and using a negative tone are two ways customers can crush a server’s workday.
“Some people think putting other people down makes them look big,” Smith said of snide comments she’s fielded from customers.
Smith left server jobs at several corporate chain restaurants because she wanted to work for a family-owned business that supports its employees.
“I left corporate. It was a machine. They would always say it didn’t matter what the customers said,” Smith said.
And the most frequent offenders, according to Smith?
“Older women. I call them the country club ladies,” Smith said. “And I don’t like saying that because I’m a woman. Just know we’re human and have feelings.”
Jessica Criswell has been a server for 17 years and works at Evolution Grille in Buffalo Township. She wants customers to know that the order of operations at a restaurant is important.
“You come in and someone else comes in. It doesn’t mean you’re going to get your food first,” Criswell explained.
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Maybe one table had an appetizer and you did not.
“Just because a customer asks for a side of ranch dressing doesn’t change that I may have three more stops before that request,” Criswell said.
Criswell is always juggling tables and is responsible for about 20 to 25 patrons at a time.
“We are all people, too. We’re not your maid or your hired help. We’re somebody that has a family and has a good job. Some people think this is ‘just’ a waitress job, but people wait tables for all sorts of reasons. I work as a server because it works for my kids. I do well, and I have flexibility with being a mom to my twins,” Criswell said.
Smith prides herself on providing professional and friendly service.
She wants customers to know that if you show up and the restaurant is filled, don’t expect a cooked-to-order meal in an upscale setting to be delivered to the table in 10 or 15 minutes.
“I always let my customers know when the kitchen is super busy. Once, a table left because they were in a hurry. This isn’t fast food,” Smith said.
Tips on tipping
Tips are earned, Smith stressed, and essential.
However, some of the dining public doesn’t realize that servers have to tip out bartenders and bussing staff — and if a server is stiffed, they actually lose money on that table, she explained.
“I make $2.83 per hour. Most people don’t know that. My paycheck every pay period is zero dollars (after taxes),” Smith said.
Laura Demko of Plum has 45 years of food and beverage experience, including owning the former Morgan’s restaurant on Rodi Road for 15 years.
“They call me the lunch lady,” joked Demko, 59.
For the past two years, she has worked at the Italian restaurant John Anthony’s Restaurant and Lounge in Plum.
She works full time, pulling a double shift (lunch and dinner) on Thursdays.
Her message for customers involves the topic of gratuities.
“The public doesn’t realize our wage is so minimal,” Demko said.
The lack of tipping with takeout orders is problematic for her. During her shifts, she’s responsible for answering the phone, taking to-go orders and packaging them for pickup — all while working her section of five or more tables.
“We appreciate their business for takeout, but the customers’ expectations and gratitude don’t coincide,” Demko said.
Servers and bartenders have to claim their sales each shift and are taxed based on their sales, not their actual tips.
“People don’t know if I sell $200 in takeout food, I get taxed on that amount. If I get $5 in tips for takeout, I’m losing money,” Demko said.
LeMont bartender Kathy Zovko of Whitehall works part time. She retired from the insurance industry and serves as the weekend bartender at LeMont.
Zovko encourages her patrons to whip out their phones during their visit to arguably one of the most scenic dining spots in Pittsburgh, with stunning views of the rivers and Downtown from atop Mt. Washington.
“We want you to feel comfortable and classy (like a) neighborhood bar. It’s fun and entertaining — and it’s just fine to ask me to play photographer,” Zovko said. “I like to take pictures with customers, with the chandeliers in the background and the sweeping city views.”
As for gratuities, Zovko said she has no complaints.
“It’s an older clientele that knows how to tip,” Zovko said. “The tipping here is very generous. I had a guy give me a $500 tip because I opened up a bottle of wine for him.”
Zovko said she can easily earn up to $1,000 in tips working two nights.
Trim table time
Demko said customers settling into their table for a good meal is a good thing, but camping out at a server’s table for hours is a no-no.
Servers rely on turning tables over multiple times during a shift, maximizing their tip potential.
“Some ladies play cards at a table and expect to sit there for hours. That’s a lot of time,” Demko said of customers who remain well past dessert.
Don’t be afraid to speak up
Helle Williams of Leechburg splits her full-time job as bartender/server between two eateries, National Public House in Leechburg and Botl in New Kensington.
Williams has been serving folks for seven years and said communication between customers and herself is paramount.
“Let us know when there are mistakes. We don’t know how to fix it if we’re not told,” said Williams, referencing the common wrong food order or being displeased with how an order is prepared or tastes.
“Tell me. There have been times when I’ve seen people not eat their food and I ask them myself and get it out of them that they’re not OK with the meal. I think people don’t want to seem like they’re pestering,” Williams said. “But they paid for that meal. If you’re paying 30-plus dollars for a steak, you need to make sure you like it. Communicate.”
To report a food or service issue, Williams recommends discreetly pulling your server aside to explain the problem and don’t worry about being a squeaky wheel.
“It’s OK to do that. We want you to have good service. It’s sad that some customers feel like they can’t speak up,” Williams said.
Servers take pride in their jobs and the food they serve, Williams said.
As a bartender, Williams encourages customers to try new cocktails, switch things up and don’t be afraid to ask about the drinks.
“We rely on their business. Post an online review, tell your friends, spread the word on what we do right. We live off of that,” Williams said.
Chef Shawn Emhoolah of Diner Thirty, along Route 30 in Greensburg, also wants customers to speak up.
Diner Thirty serves made-to-order breakfast, lunch and dinner specialties created by Emhoolah, who has been a cook since he was 17.
Emhoolah stressed communication between the front of the house and the back of the house is essential and customers should never be afraid to chime in when something goes wrong with their order.
“If you have something you don’t like, we can’t fix it if we don’t know it’s broken,” Emhoolah said. “We’re here to make sure the customer is happy. I don’t get angry. I’m here to make sure it’s right.”
Manners matter
Pittsburgh etiquette expert Christine Ferguson-Rau of Prima Eventi Inc. in Highland Park has decades of etiquette instruction experience and noted that since the pandemic, many people have chosen a casual approach to manners, particularly when it pertains to dining out.
“There’s not a common understanding or belief that there is value to practicing a common set of etiquette skills,” Ferguson-Rau said.
Criswell said when it comes to teaching children restaurant etiquette, involving the child is the first step.
“I think people should teach their kids how to order themselves, instead of doing it for them,” Criswell said. “Don’t speak for them. Some parents have taken that away from them and let the kids sit on their phone and do nothing. Talk to the waitress. … That’s frustrating for me sometimes.”
Another issue some servers face involves technology, particularly cellphones and iPads.
“There should be none at the table,” Ferguson-Rau said. “You’re there to be social and interact with people. It’s a social activity, and you have to focus on the people you are dining with, and you can’t do that if you’re on the phone.”
Above all, Ferguson-Rau reminded the dining public that the essence of etiquette is kindness.
Joyce Hanz is a native of Charleston, S.C. and is a features reporter covering the Pittsburgh region. She majored in media arts and graduated from the University of South Carolina. She can be reached at jhanz@triblive.com
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