PARIS, May 1 — When you’re under someone’s charm, it can feel like you only have eyes for your partner — so much so that you forget about your friends. In the jargon of the dating world, this is what’s known as “boyfriend sickness,” and it’s not without consequences.
Have you ever found yourself sidelining your friends when you start a new relationship? According to the American influencer and podcaster, Tinx, this is what’s known as “boyfriend sickness.” In one of her posts, the influencer refers to a pandemic, a disease that can strike us all — including herself — as she explains in one of her viral videos on TikTok.
According to the influencer, “boyfriend sickness” manifests itself in a number of ways. You may, for example, show a lack of interest in your friends’ conversations, as you’re absorbed by messages sent by your partner. Canceling outings with friends at the last minute to spend time with your boyfriend, and tending to adopt his opinions, can be among other symptoms observed, she says.
A ‘normal’ process
But is this really so unusual? According to Line Mourey, a clinical psychologist based in Dijon, France, contacted by ETX Majelan, over-investing in a romantic relationship is a normal and natural process when you get together with someone new. “To consolidate this new relationship, both partners seek to build an affectionate bond. So they spend a lot of time together,” she says.
However, Line Mourey notes that the term “boyfriend sickness” is more of a pop-culture label than an actual psychological disorder. She also points to a gendered dimension in its use, but stresses that “men, too, can exhibit this behaviour.” Nevertheless, she acknowledges that the term can reveal psychological vulnerabilities such as fear of abandonment.
Risk of isolation
Indeed, some couples continue to maintain this dynamic long after their relationship has begun. The psychologist sees this as a sign of emotional insecurity: “It can happen in people who don’t feel that the relationship is consolidated, and who need constant reassurance.” This behaviour may also echo social expectations, she says, which often imply that you have to do everything together, as a couple.
Nevertheless, this excessive dependence can lead to toxic behaviour in the relationship in the long term. “By putting all your energy into this romantic connection, you put a burden on the other partner, who now has to fill in the missing links of friendships,” says the psychotherapist. According to the expert, this withdrawal into a bubble of love can lead to “domination, isolation and, in some cases, even verbal abuse.”
That’s why it’s crucial to maintain friendships outside of a relationship to counter these potentially toxic behaviours. “Friends are our safeguard, they know us best and will be able to determine whether the relationship is a good or bad influence. They’re also there to sound the alarm,” says the psychologist. By having outside connections, we preserve our mental balance and our independence, both of which are essential aspects of a romantic relationship. — ETX Studio
