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My husband and I have been where you are. Your child wants to attend a college that’s outside of your financial reach without massive debt.

The issue is front of mind for many high school seniors. Generally, incoming freshmen still weighing their options have until early May to <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/education/2024/03/25/students-fafsa-financial-aid-delays/" target=_blank>commit to a school</a> and make a deposit.

Michelle Singletary 

You can’t borrow your way to wealth. Learn how to save, spend mindfully and talk about money with your family and friends. <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/newsletters/personal-finance/?method=SURL&location=ART&initiative=CONTEXT" target=_blank>Sign up for her free newsletter</a>, which hit inboxes on Wednesdays.

But this year, technical issues with the Free Application for Federal Student Aid, or FAFSA, pushed many schools to extend the May 1 deadline to May 15 or June 1, according to a <a href="https://www.nacacnet.org/enrollment-deadlines-directory-2024/" target=_blank>directory</a> compiled by the National Association for College Admission Counseling.

As a result, many colleges delayed sending out financial aid packages.

But those <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/education/2024/03/11/how-new-fafsa-problems-began/" target=_blank>glitches</a> also create an opportunity — maybe a last chance — for parents and children to discuss whether they’re about to make a huge financial mistake.

You don’t want to disappoint, even though the choice would sentence you both to decades of debt.

However, smart decisions mean leaving the emotion out of it, especially when finances are involved. So, here are six points to give you the strength to say no to a college you and your child can’t afford.

Sorry, I can’t leave this decision to a teen

I recently found myself trying to persuade a mother from taking on debt — $30,000 a year — to send her daughter to an out-of-state college. And that was after some scholarship money.

Her daughter had been accepted by several colleges, one of which provided enough financial aid that she wouldn’t need to borrow.

The mother presented the decision as if she had no power.

“‘No,’ is a complete sentence,” I said.

It never occurred to the mother to say otherwise, even though her daughter couldn’t borrow enough on her own to attend the school.

If the dream can only be met by taking on massive parental debt, you have veto power. Use it.

We told our three children they could apply to any college they wanted, but we stood fast to one rule — no debt, no matter what. There were some tears, rolling of the eyes and initial disappointments, but all three of our children have undergraduate degrees and <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/2023/10/20/no-dream-school-debt-free-michelle-singletary-daughter/" target=_blank>no debt</a>.

Now in their 20s — with more life choices because they aren’t struggling with student loans — they all are grateful for the tough love.

If affordability is an issue, talk with your teen about starting out at a community college and then transferring to a four-year institution.

Remind your child that a prestigious school doesn’t guarantee career success. You have to be the adult with the foresight to understand it’s the student — not the school — that matters most.

Honey, do you know how much debt we’re talking about?

Show them the full cost and the monthly payment schedule.

Though most families don’t pay the advertised price, nearly 1 in 4 undergraduates need to take out loans to pay for their degrees, according to a <a href="https://www.gallup.com/analytics/468986/state-of-higher-education.aspx" target=_blank>new report</a> on the state of higher education by Gallup and the Lumina Foundation.

What’s more, the report cautions: “Despite concerns about cost, few understand the actual price of higher education — specifically, the price of obtaining a bachelor’s degree.”

Let’s look at the long-term effect of all this debt

Often, <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/2023/05/31/money-tips-new-graduates/" target=_blank>teenagers</a> can’t see beyond their immediate desire to attend a certain university.

The loans aren’t real because they don’t have to pay anything until later. This makes it hard to realize how painful those monthly payments will be once they graduate — or drop out without a degree.

Even with income-based repayment plans that can reduce the monthly outlay, borrowers still complain about their ability to manage other expenses once they are living independently.

The Gallup-Lumina report found that 71 percent of current and former students who have taken out loans said they had to delay at least one significant life event because of their debt, including <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/interactive/2024/quiz-should-i-buy-house-afford-mortgage/?itid=sf_biz_top_table_p001_f001" target=_blank>buying a home</a>, purchasing a<a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/2024/03/15/underwater-car-loans/" target=_blank> car</a>, or returning to complete their degree or credential.

“Even relatively small student loans hinder the attainment of key milestones,” the report said.

Reining in costs now leaves more for graduate school

If your child is pursuing a field where a graduate degree may be necessary to advance, don’t rack up debt for their undergraduate studies.

If you want more personal finance advice that's timeless, order your copy of Michelle Singletary's Money Milestones.

No, a student loan is not ‘good debt’

Many people categorize student loans as “good debt.” As the argument goes, going to college can boost one’s earnings potential.

A college degree can significantly boost lifetime earnings. But that higher income is increasingly offset by the burden of debt.

What if the cost becomes so great that your child has to drop out of school? They’d have the debt and no degree. What’s great about that?

There are so many things that could make a person’s student loans a burden.

When you use positive adjectives to describe debt, you may end up minimizing the financial bondage it creates.

Gerald Loeb Award, Commentary, 2021

National Association of Black Journalist Salute to Excellence Award, Commentary, 2021

The Washington Post Eugene Meyer Award, the paper's highest journalistic honor, 2020

Distinguished Achievement Award from the Society for Advancing Business Editing and Writing, the organization’s highest honor, 2019

Hall of Fame for the Society of Professional Journalists Washington, D.C., Pro Chapter, 2019

Fellowship, Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania, Wharton Seminars for Business Journalist, awarded by National Press Foundation, 2018

Salute to Excellence Award for Community Service, National Association of Black Journalists, 2010

Best in Business, series of columns, Society of American Business Editors, 2008

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University of Maryland

Johns Hopkins University

If you have a personal finance question for Washington Post columnist Michelle Singletary, please call 1-855-ASK-POST (1-855-275-7678). Her award-winning column, “The Color of Money,” is syndicated by The Washington Post News Service and Syndicate and carried in dozens of newspapers.

Michelle Singletary

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How to tell your kid you can’t afford that pricey college

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Illustration by Kat Brooks/The Washington Post; iStock

The Washington Post

Use these 7 points to say no to a college you and your kid can’t afford


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