Love Letters
Q. I’ve been noticing for some time that on my husband’s phone wallpapers, caller ID, and framed pictures in his office at work, the pictures he chooses of us (or me) are from the rarest of special occasions where I’m almost unrecognizable from my day-to-day self.
The photo that comes up on his phone when I call is a picture of me from a couples trip we made pre-COVID to Florida, which was our first big vacation without kids. I was spray-tanned with a crazy amount of blond highlights, I did big false lashes with the other girls, and wore a dress I would never wear at home.
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For his office picture of us, it’s the same look from one of his milestone birthdays. I did the big blond look again because he said how much he liked it. I don’t mind it for special occasions, but I just get the feeling that my regular brunette self — with no makeup and sometimes glasses — doesn’t do it for him . . . like the blond version of me is what he really wants.
In all fairness, we went to college in the South; it’s where we met and dated, and blond and dolled up was THE uniform. But that was 20 years ago, before careers and two kids. Should I even bother approaching him? Or should I feel flattered?
– Getting Worried in Westborough
A. Does he seem attracted to you on a random Tuesday? Ever?
Does he want to kiss you — or just be near you — after a day of chores, brunette looks, and glasses?
If so, don’t worry about any of this.
Remember, the pictures are from big occasions. Sure, he loves how you looked in those moments, but he also loves the moments themselves. One is from a fantastic vacation where you felt freedom from kids for the first time. The second is from a significant birthday. Those would be nights to remember, right? They are frame-worthy.
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If he seems more distant on a daily basis, and you have concerns about affection and attraction, in general, talk to him about it. Figure out ways to make time for more courtship.
But really, the pictures seem pretty innocuous. He might get super excited about highlights and big lashes, but it doesn’t mean he doesn’t like the rest of your looks too.
Also, I’m sure you think he looks best in certain outfits, with specific facial hair (or without).
This is one of the few letters where I wish I’d been able to see photos, by the way. I’d love a basis of comparison. Also, please feel free to write back and share tips on how you get that look together in one night.
– Meredith
READERS RESPOND
Most people use the best pictures of themselves on social media or for display. So he’s using one he thinks is the best pic of you to show off. How is that a negative? -ALFA-
It sounds like you’re projecting your own insecurity onto your husband. PENSEUSE
Be happy he has pictures of you and not someone else. JSMUS
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