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When it comes to orgasms, the clit gets most of the glory. As it should—the majority of people with vulvas don’t orgasm from penetration alone, so clitoral stimulation during sex is key. But that doesn’t mean that clitoral stimulation is the *only* way to achieve pleasure during penetrative sex. “There’s a whole smorgasbord of pleasure zones within the vagina as well,” says Jodie Milton, women’s sex and intimacy coach at Practical Intimacy. “Deep penetration positions are a great way to stimulate these deeper pleasure spots, and experience a different kind of sexual enjoyment.”
Beyond just feeling really damn good, deep penetration—the kind that you feel all the way inside you, almost hitting your cervix—is also a way to bond intimately and emotionally with your partner. “There’s something particularly erotic about taking your lover all the way inside of you, as deep as they can get,” says Milton. “Letting someone in that physically deep requires trust, vulnerability, and deep surrender, which can lead to deeper emotional intimacy and connection between you, too.”
How deep you want to/can go depends entirely on your own preferences! “No two bodies are alike,” says Jess O’Reilly, PhD, sex expert at Astroglide. Where you are in your menstrual cycle, how turned on you are, and even the length of your vaginal canal and the inserted object can all affect how you feel about deeper penetration, she says. “For many, deep penetration can feel more intense—especially once they’re highly aroused and oxytocin and adrenaline levels are rising. Pressure against the cervix, for example, can (for some) be highly arousing and lead to intense orgasmic response. But…cervical pressure can be uncomfortable at times as well, so pay attention to your body and don’t switch to deeper positions until you’re highly aroused.”
How to Enjoy Deep Penetration Safely
“Deep penetration should not be painful,” says Heather Jeffcoat, DPT, recent past President at the Academy of Pelvic Health Physical Therapy.
Start by having your partner ease their way into you. “Deep penetration needs to be approached with caution. Going too deep too soon can be uncomfortable and painful. You need to make sure you’re aroused, wet, and relaxed," says Milton. Take your time, and only go as fast as you're comfortable with. Lots of lube can help.
Give your partner feedback along the way. “When you’re first making your way to the deeper spots, take it slowly, inch by inch, and communicate when you’re ready for a little more. Take time to pause, breathe, and relax if you feel any discomfort. Ask for what you need. And it’s not working for you, it's always okay to change your mind and stick to the shallows, or stop altogether,” says Milton.
If it still feels like too much, try shifting your position a little. “If modifying your position doesn't help, using a product like the OhNut on the penis-owner or dildo can reduce the depth of penetration,” says Jeffcoat. (A thick penis ring can do the trick, too.)
Remember: Deep penetration isn’t for everyone. If you suffer from endometriosis, have an inverted uterus, or any other condition that makes deep penetration too painful, feel free to move along to something more comfortable!
Ready to go deep? Here are some positions to get you started
The Titanic
Switch up the angle on your basic missionary by having the receiving partner lie on their back, knees bent and feet flat on the ground. The penetrating partner holds themselves up with straight arms. “Their back is extended—like a design on the bow of the front of a ship,” says Jeffcoat. If things get too deep, the receiver can bend their knees as a buffer. Not deep enough? Then have the receiver swing their legs over the penetrating partner’s shoulders.
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Couch Worship
Take advantage of your couch by having the receiving partner kneel before it, fully supporting the top half of their body on the cushion, recommends Jeffcoat. The penetrating partner kneels behind them for modified doggy. “The giving partner has their hands free to hold around the receiving partner's hips,” she says. If they want to hold a clit-sucking toy with those free hands, all the better.
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The Sit and Get
Another one where the couch comes in handy—the receiving partner lies back on the cushion while the penetrating partner kneels on the floor. “The giving partner has access to the clitoris, breasts, and other sensitive areas,” says Jeffcoat. To go deeper, the receiver can wrap their legs around their partner’s hips and pull ‘em in deep, real deep.
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The Flatiron
“For an extra cozy position where you can feel connected without the potential for too much eye contact, try the Flatiron,” says Ruby Payne, sex expert at adult toy retailer UberKinky. “It’s basically a flat doggy style. The closer the receiver’s legs are together, the tighter things will feel for both of you.” Heat it up by propping a wand vibrator on a pillow under your hips.
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The Seashell
According to Tatyana Dyachenko, sex therapist and relationship expert for Peaches and Screams, a good amount of flexibility is necessary for the Seashell, but you can bend your legs to make it easier. The receiver lies on their back, then lifts their legs so their ankles are by their ears. “Warning: This position can be really deep, so take it slow to start with. If you find it too deep, then wrap your legs around your partner’s body instead,” she says.
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The Self Control
"Get a large dildo that attaches itself to your wall. Put a bunch of lube on it and have complete control of how deep and fast you’re penetrated. I usually recommend doggy style with a wall dildo, but some of them are malleable and can be used in many positions,” says Niki Davis-Fainbloom, sex expert for Keepler. You can do this on your own or get a partner involved. “If you give your partner oral sex while riding the dildo, you may ride yourself to the moon and not return!” says Davis-Fainbloom.
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The Leapfrog
“Get onto all fours like in doggy position, placing a few pillows underneath your chest, and then lower yourself down onto the pillows,” says Milton. “This position is similar to child’s pose in yoga, and allows you to both physically relax and emotionally open. Your partner can either stand or kneel behind you.”
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The Cervical O
If you’re trying for a cervical orgasm, the best position is doggy style, said relationship expert Kim Anami. “It's best to warm up with some other sexual positions first, and then ease into cervical penetration—which is actually just rubbing up against the cervix,” Anami told Cosmopolitan in a previous interview. “Even then, I suggest going slow and really opening and relaxing the cervix as you go. Because it's such an intense and vulnerable experience, it's not likely to happen during casual sex or if you aren't feeling close to your partner. You have to be in a place where you feel very open, safe, and relaxed.”
The Soup Spoon
“Spooning is extra delicious because of the maximum skin contact. It can feel very intimate and can help create the surrender and relaxation necessary for deep penetration. And it’s super comfortable too,” says Milton. But can you actually achieve the depth you want? Yes! “This position can help you reach a deeper penetration if you use a pillow underneath your butt. It can also be used while masturbating with a vibrator,” says Katherin Winnick, sex coach and BDSM expert at Let's Talk Sex.
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The Wide Cowgirl
Think: Elevated cowgirl position. “This one’s great, because you’re on top and in full control. Widen your legs for a deeper feel, and grind your hips down as deep as you want to go,” says Milton.
The Private Dancer
“One partner sits on a chair or on the edge of the bed and the other straddles atop,” says O'Reilly. “Any position where the receiving partner is on top can work well for deeper penetration, as they can control the angle and rhythm.” To work the lap dance angle, stay half-clothed or try crotchless lingerie.
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The Lotus
“This position is like getting a big hug during sex,” says Payne. “Move together slowly and sensually as you gaze into each other’s eyes. Perfect for deep penetration with a dose of passion.”
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The Happy Baby
This is just like the happy baby yoga pose, but with sex. (To refresh, if you forgot the last time you even did yoga: receiver on their back, legs bent and holding their feet in their hands.) “This one is not only bang-on for deep penetration, but it’s perfect for clitoral stimulation too, either with a vibrator or fingers,” says Payne.
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The Deep Impact
For a whole new way of experiencing each other, get on your side, lift a leg up, and have your partner straddle your leg, entering from a kneeling position. They may find spots you didn't even know you had, and if they don't, squirt a little dollop of lube on their fingers so they can cup their hand over your clit, giving you a long, smooth rub with every thrust. Plus, if they’re a penis-owner with a bit of a bend, this is a great way to embrace their curves.
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The Wheelbarrow
If you have some upper arm strength and you’re up for a challenge, give the Wheelbarrow a try. It's like the grade school wheelbarrow game, but naked. Assume the position with your arms straight out to the floor, holding your weight while your partner holds up your legs and enters standing from behind. If things get too crazy, or you just can't hold yourself up, lie face down with your hips at the edge of the bed and let them lift up your legs to get you to perfect penetration height.
The Rolling in the Deep
If you haven't already discovered this way to take missionary much, much deeper, give this tweak a try. Put a pillow under your bum to raise your hips up and wrap your legs over your partner’s shoulders. This is pretty damn glorious on its own, but if they hold onto your legs and push them back toward your head (only slightly, you're not made of rubber here), they’ll hit spots deep on the top of your vaginal wall that’ll feel so. damn. good.
The Bitilasana, Baby
Bitilasana (aka The Cow position in yoga) is the surest way to get them alllll the way inside you. Get on all fours doggy-style, but really exaggerate the arch of your back so your hips are tipped up enticingly. Get an even deeper feel by pushing your body back with your hands to take them in further or rotate your hips to play with the angle.
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The Extra Mile
Another fun (and I do mean fun) way to play with depth is throwing yourself over the arm of the couch and angling your hips up even higher. Let them hold up your legs while they watch themselves enter you. Game. over.
Jill Hamilton is a contributor for Cosmopolitan.com and writes the blog In Bed With Married Women.
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