Dear Deidre
DEAR DEIDRE: Sex with my lover is incredible but I know she’s bad for me. Yet however many times I try, I just can’t walk away from her.
Over the years she has cheated, hurt and used me - still whenever she comes crawling back I melt and fall into her arms.
I’m 48 and she’s 43. We’ve been in an on-off relationship for 10 years.
I started seeing her when I was unhappily married, and ultimately left my wife and kids for her.
She is funny, intelligent and incredibly attractive. She is so body confident and adventurous in bed that our sex life is incredible - better than I’ve had with anybody else ever. It’s like a drug.
She’s so adventurous and crazy, she really keeps me on my toes.
However, she has never been able to commit. After my marriage ended and I moved into a flat, I expected that we’d finally be together properly - as she promised.
Get in touch with the Dear Deidre team
Every problem gets a personal reply from one of our trained counsellors.
Fill out and submit our easy-to-use and confidential form and the Dear Deidre team will get back to you.
You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page or email us at:
deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk
Later the same week, she broke up with me and started seeing other men.
I was devastated. I fell apart and became very depressed.
Months later, she got in touch out of the blue saying she missed me and wanted to see me.
I resisted for a few days and then she came round and we fell straight into bed.
For the next few weeks, life was a blissful blur of sex.
Then she went home and, a few days later, messaged to say she’d met someone else again.
I was gutted.
Since then, the pattern has repeated itself again and again.
I know this relationship is really unhealthy. I also know I need to break off communications and end it forever - but I can’t.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: You are addicted not only to sex with this woman, but to the highs and lows of your off/on relationship.
And as you now realise, after 10 years, nothing is going to change.
The only way to get out of this unhealthy pattern is to go cold turkey.
You need to block her from your phone, email, and all social media. Make it very clear that you’ve had enough.
Then you need to be strong. Next time she comes calling - and she will try - remind yourself how much pain and misery she caused you.
Lean on friends for support and busy yourself with absorbing activities.
Seeing a relationship counsellor would also be a good idea. Read my support pack about this.
Also read the one on Addictive Love, which tells you more about this type of relationship and how to extricate yourself.