Most people would consider sex to be a crucial part of a healthy relationship, but one young couple, who have ‘never gone past third base’, disagree.
Sam and Connor have been together for the past four years, after meeting at a socially distanced lockdown party during the pandemic. After meeting up a few times, they realised that there was something between them.
Shortly after they first started dating, Sam - who has known she’s asexual since her early teens - told Conor about her sexuality. Connor explained that he was ‘definitely confused at first’ and needed to take some time to ‘educate’ himself about how Sam felt.
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Sam explained: “I don’t have any sexual attraction. I have romantic attraction but sex is just off the table for us. It’s not something that’s really in our relationship.” In a clip from reality TV show Love Don’t Judge, the pair explain that they know their sex life is ‘not what society views as normal’, but there are times when they’re ‘physically intimate’ and get to ‘third base’, which is ‘the line’ for them.
Because the couple don’t have sex, Connor said: “We’ve gotten comments and people saying to us that they think I’m gonna cheat on Sam because I’m a man and ‘men need sex and men need sex constantly’.
“That’s just sad that they think that sex is the only thing that matters when being with someone and being in a relationship.” Sam added: “Just because they can’t picture their lives without sex must mean that mine is so horrible or that his relationship is so unfulfilling.”
In terms of how difficult it is for Conor to go without sex he says that ‘it’s never really been a challenge’ for him but that it has ‘been different to previous relationships he’s been in’. Sam says that Conor is incredibly ‘accepting and open minded and kind’ and that their relationship is so successful because they both communicate freely with each other.
People were quick to share their views on the now-viral YouTube video. One person commented: “She was upfront with him and he accepted her as she was. Who are we to judge? They seem like they are really in love. I wish them the best.”
A second said: “I think many people forget that there are so many different ways to be intimate, and to cultivate intimacy.” While a third added: “This is actually beautiful. They seem to have such a solid relationship.”