The last time I used a dating app was at university. Now Hinge, Tinder and OKCupid are solely reserved for “hot or not” games with my girlfriends on a Friday night, where we swipe through potential matches and rate them out of ten. We giggle, discuss the ones that we think are catfishes, and ogle at the ones who are 6ft, handsome and hold down a good job. But the apps that we once scrolled through if we wanted a quick fling are the same apps we now delete as soon as we run out of phone storage.
Since graduating and moving to London, I’m more concerned about cultivating my female friendships than adding any notches to my belt. It’s hard to find the time to entertain casual relationships with strangers when I’m more preoccupied with getting a date in the diary for dim sum with my friends.
So today’s findings from the Times Generation Z study certainly make sense. Only 22 per cent of young women said their friends commonly have one-night stands compared with 74 per cent 20 years ago.
My generation values — and wants to invest more of their time in — female friendships than romantic relationships.
My social media feeds are filled with glamorised TikTok videos of what my twenties should look like. And I’m here for it. Instagrammable girls’ holidays to Portugal, large groups of friends with enviable weekend plans in the countryside and bucket-list day trips round London’s best food spots — it’s no wonder I’m ditching Hinge dates for seeing people I know I want to spend time with.
When we do all find a time to meet, my friends and I fondly reminisce about our more reckless student days and laugh with disbelief that we used to leave for the club at the time we’re now tucked up in bed watching on-demand episodes of The Traitors. And we’re most definitely not tucked up with a stranger so forget “Netflix and chill”.
More and more I find myself spending my free time doing activities that just don’t fit with casual hook-ups. My weekends involve Parkrun and catch-ups over avocado on toast (excuse the cliché). It’s a lot harder to spark up the courage to flirt in broad daylight without an ounce of alcohol in sight, but frankly, if I’m out with friends I haven’t seen in months, getting a guy’s number isn’t even on my radar.
Don’t get me wrong, I still get butterflies if I meet someone on a night out, but I’ll be getting an Uber back home to my own bed. Nothing comes between me and my eight hours of sleep. Lots of my friends have sleep-tracking apps, Apple watches or Oura rings. None of them want their heart rate getting too high.
More from the Times Generation Z survey
One of my friends confessed that she’s looking for someone to do things with — and not in a sexual sense. She wants to do cultural activities that feel meaningful. Our dating prompts on the apps where we reveal what we’re looking for have changed completely — from “short-term casual” to “long-term”, and “wanting a paddle partner for this weekend” — not a hook-up.
In fact, Gen Z are four times more likely to want to meet people while working out than at the bar, according to the fitness platform Strava. Maybe our wellness-obsessed generation just aren’t as bothered about fleeting romances under the neon lights of a sticky-floored nightclub. Kimchi, running clubs and some alcohol-free craft beer appeal far more. And yes, I still adore Sex and The City, but I watch it because I relate to the joys of having a core group of close girlfriends — not Miranda’s one-night stands.
