I think we can all agree that vaginas are pretty freaking cool. They’re capable of such amazing things—from literally giving birth to human life, to experiencing sexual pleasure, to legitimately getting themselves prepped and ready for penetrative sex. Yes, that’s correct, vaginas actually get wet all by themselves—or they usually do, anyway. Let’s get into it, because “getting wet” (and staying wet) during sex is actually more complicated than you might realize. Knowing everything about how this process works and what you can do to help it along when things aren’t quite as slippery as you’d like them to be down there is key to enhancing all kinds of sexual experiences.
Basically, getting wet is a response to physical sexual arousal. Intimacy educator Taylor Sparks, founder of OrganicLoven.com, says the arousal process happens when your body and mind respond to things that turn you on and get you horny. Everything gets more sensitive down there—your tissues fill with blood, everything plumps up, and, bing, bang boom, the vagina lubricates. All of this sets the stage for the big show—the big show being sexual touch.
The wetness that the vagina produces from the Bartholins and Skene’s glands is designed to “help to reduce friction during sexual activity, making penetration easier,” Sparks says. But, alas, not everything can be perfect, not even the mighty vagina. Sometimes our bodies don’t catch on that we’re supposed to be getting ourselves lubed up and ready for sex. Or maybe your vagina does get the memo to get wet, but just doesn't seem to be providing enough natural lubrication to keep things wet’n’ wild for comfortable and pleasurable experiences.
Don’t worry. This is completely normal—and something we can work with.
Lucy Rowett, a certified sex coach and clinical sexologist, says there are plenty of reasons you might not be getting wet—from medications, to where you are in your menstrual cycle, to how stressed out you are at any given time. It can also be that you just haven’t had enough foreplay to actually be ready for penetration. “Don't feel guilty or [think] that there's something wrong with you because you need much more stimulation or foreplay to get wet—you're normal and your body is working how it should be,” Rowett adds.
Another big reason you might be dry down there? Sometimes our bodies are not totally in sync with our minds. Even though we might feel turned on in our brains, or bodies may not have caught up yet.
See? We told you. Complicated.
But fear not! There are plenty of workable solutions to help you reach your wettest, wildest potential. We all deserve amazing, fulfilling sexual experiences. And that starts with information, patience, and a whole lot of lube. Read on for 25 expert-approved tips for getting wet (and staying wet) during sex.
1. Stop stressing.
First of all, getting wet is often touted as a sign of arousal, but Astroglide resident sexologist, Jess O’Reilly, PhD, says it's important to remember "a wetter reaction is not necessarily a sign of a greater desire." On that same note, dryness doesn't always mean there's a lack of interest.
"This is because our body’s physiological reactions to sexual desire and arousal do not always align with our lived experience, and that’s okay," says O'Reilly. The more you stress, the less likely you are to feel that wet arousal, so instead of worrying about self-lubrication, try to put it out of your mind. To get yourself in the mood, Rief suggests taking some time to ramp up that sexual tension. Turn on sexy music, make out with your partner, and if lubrication happens, it happens. If not, pls see #2
2. Use lube.
While natural lubrication isn’t necessarily a sign of missing arousal, moisture is important when having sex. Not only does lube make sex feel better, but it actually makes it safer. "Sex can cause too much friction, which may cause small skin tears, cuts, or irritation that can make infections more likely," explains chief medical officer of Favor, Amy Roskin, PhD.
If safety and just feeling good isn't enough to get you on the lube train, Dr. Jess explains it can actually help increase natural lubrication. "Some people find that using lube helps them to relax and produce their own bodily lubrication as it reduces the pressure to get wet," she explains. "Apply lube prior to hopping into bed and enjoy the sensation of being wet even before you’re aroused (and of course, applying lube can lead to arousal)."
Oh, and before you think grabbing the lube means you've failed or are giving up, Rief urges you to just put those negative thoughts away. "Everyone deserves to live their most sexually fulfilled life, and using lube is one of the best ways to ensure your sexual experiences are as satisfying as possible," she says.
3. Take your time.
ICYMI, sex starts in the brain. "It takes about 20-30 minutes of mental arousal for the blood flow to the genitals to increase," explains Dr. Hill. "Therefore, adequate natural lubrication also requires 30 minutes of arousal." But guess what? Most people aren't taking a half-hour to prep the vagina for pleasureville. “Surveys have shown that couples in the US are having sex anywhere between 5.4 to 19 minutes,” says Lovers sexpert Vanessa Geffrard.
“We like to think our bodies are like on and off switches,” adds sex and relationship coach Azaria Menezes, “but we are much more complex than that.” This one is easily fixable though: Just make sure to slow down, don’t rush, and really give yourself the full 45 minutes or longer to let yourself become aroused.
4. And keep the sexy vibes flowing.
While we're on the topic of taking your time, Dr. Hill stresses the importance of staying actively aroused and not just diving into sex the second you start to feel a little tingle. That's because arousal doesn't just = lubrication, but also a relaxing of the pelvic floor muscles. "The vagina actually changes shape and flattens to accommodate penetration," Dr. Hill explains. "If [a person with a vagina] isn’t spending 20-30 minutes in the arousal phase, sex may not be pleasurable, and may even be painful."
So while lube will make things wetter (which like, yay!), mental arousal will allow your pelvic floor to relax and make sex significantly better. Good things take time, y'all.
5. Give CBD a whirl.
Arousal gels with CBD are the hottest thing in boosting your sexual levels right now, and for good reason! “CBD is a vasodilator, and when applied to the clitoral area, it will open up the blood vessels and bring more blood to the area and naturally increase vaginal lubrication,” Sparks says.
Be sure when you’re choosing an arousal gel that the CBD is “full spectrum” from the actual cannabis leaves, not hemp oil from the seeds. Only full spectrum CBD can deliver on the arousal-promoting promises of CBD.
The creme de la creme? Foria’s Awaken arousal oil.
6. Focus on your senses.
Learning to focus your mind and bring awareness into the body is crucial when it comes to getting fully turned on. Sparks says using our senses can be a great tool to promote embodiment. Focus on your sight, and then smell, and then hearing, and then touch, and then taste. Go through each one, naming something you can see, smell, hear, touch, and taste. This can help take you out of those wild, racing thoughts and back into your body.
7. Try maca root and slippery elm.
While the jury is still out on whether supplements can actually help improve sex, maca root has long been touted as a natural libido booster.
“Maca improves sexual interest, arousal, lubrication, orgasm, and satisfaction,” says Sparks.
Likewise, slippery elm has a reputation for being an arousal booster. “Slippery elm helps heal internal mucosal tissues, such as the stomach, vagina, and esophagus,” says Sparks, adding that this can help “naturally increase lubrication in the vaginal tissues.”
Hey, it’s worth a shot!
8. Find your “turned on contexts.”
Sometimes you simply have too much on your plate to get into a sexy headspace. Whether it’s your to-do list, a work project, a lack of sleep, or taking care of kids, having too many distractions blocks arousal. Rowett says we can increase our arousal (and lubrication) by creating contexts that allow us to get turned on.
Think about what you need to get in the mood, both emotionally and physically. “Then think about what turns you off, and start proactively problem solving,” she explains. “A simple thing such as putting a lock on the bedroom door or having more time cuddling on the sofa so you can more easily transition to sexy time” can be enough to get you going.
9. Invest in self-love time.
Masturbation is hugely important in the arousal process. Studies consistently show that the more we orgasm and experience pleasure, the more orgasms and pleasure we want.
“The more frequently you masturbate, the more blood flow to your vulva and vagina, which means the tissue stays toned and your pelvic floor muscles stay active,” Rowett says. When we engage in a lot of self-touch, we’re essentially priming the body to respond appropriately to stimuli, aka: getting wet.
10. Explore erotica.
Sexy stories, steamy movies, and even sultry music are all *chef's kiss* arousal aids you should have at the ready, Dr. Hill suggests."Any activity that increases arousal will help with natural lubrication," she explains. "We encourage women to find what arouses them and incorporate that into their sex practices."
What makes erotica a great option is that it helps navigate your thoughts. Instead of you trying to will a hot image in your head, the ethical porn you're watching, erotic story you're reading, or audio porn you're listening to can guide your sensual thoughts. It's important to note that leaning on erotica is completely normal whether you're single or in a relationship. If you're concerned about what your partner would think (or if they have some insecurities surrounding this type of stimuli), Rief suggests having an open conversation about it. "It might become a great activity for you to do together," she says.
11. Use a sex toy.
So, sex toys probably aren't going to be The Thing that gets your natural lubrication gushing (sorry, sorry), but Rief says they're a great tool to use to get closer. "Sex toys can help with getting you in the mood by sending the right messages all over the body." She recommends using a non-penetrative toy to start out. This will help "build the anticipation and lubrication" for whatever you want to dive into next.
12. Pick the perfect position.
Some positions not only feel better than others but can actually lead to more lubrication production. First, by having sex in a way that feels comfortable to you, you'll be more confident, relaxed, and comfortable, which will naturally help your body get aroused, explains Dr. Mohanty. Additionally, some penetrative positions can actually increase lubrication because they're hitting the deep spots of the clitoris. Try the coital alignment technique to see if it creates a ~juicy~ response.
13. Drink more water.
Something as simple as dehydration could be leading to vaginal dryness, Menezes says. Seriously! Since our cells are composed of mostly water, poor water intake causes a myriad of detrimental effects on the body, which can include vaginal dryness, explains Amy Gueye-Weinstein, MD.
This one is also easily fixable though: Dr. Gueye-Weinstein says if you work to consistently stay hydrated (aka drinking around 2.7 liters of water a day, per Mayo Clinic standards), and if dehydration is the only source for your vaginal dryness, you should see improvements in as little as three days. Talk about some v instant gratification for a major lifestyle change.
14. Eat more fruits and veggies.
While you're chugging some H2O, consider adding more fresh produce to your diet as well. "Fruits with high content in water, like strawberries and pineapples, help with your natural lube," Calmerry mental health therapist, Diamond Marie, previously told Cosmopolitan.
15. Talk to your doc.
If your vaginal dryness often occurs with unusual dryness in other areas of your body such as eyes and mouth, you should consider consulting a doctor, as these could be signs of Sjögren's (pronounced like “SHOW-grins”) syndrome, says Ashley Harris, a sex and relationship coach at BeyondAges. This condition affects dryness along all the mucous membranes, adds Dr. Gueye-Weinstein, and can affect both young and older people with vaginas alike.
Sjorgen’s is the most common autoimmune disorder after rheumatoid arthritis, but Dr. Gueye-Weinstein explains it’s still considered a rare condition. Of course, Dr. Gueye-Weinstein adds it's always a smart move to have a doctor evaluate you if your vaginal dryness is concerning to you. So go on and make an appointment. It can't hurt!
16. Check your meds.
Allergy, cold medications with antihistamines, and even some asthma medications can cause vaginal dryness. Try switching to more natural remedies or talk to your doctor about other options.
17. And your antidepressants.
Not only do SSRIs interfere with libido, but they can also impact vaginal lubrication, explains chief medical officer for BodyLogicMD Jennifer Landa, MD. Talk to your psychiatrist about switching to a different medication until you find one that works best for your mental health and your sexual health.
18. Stop smoking.
Aging, smoking, and other factors that can cause blockage of the arteries could block small arteries in the vaginal area and reduce moisture there, Dr. Landa explains. “The main reason we get wet to begin with is that when the blood vessels in the vaginal area get engorged (like an erection for people with penises), the higher blood pressure in the blood vessels causes serum to leak across the blood vessels and the mucous membranes of the vagina leading to more moisture,” says Dr. Landa.
19. Balance out your hormones.
One of the most common reasons for a dry vag is a decrease in estrogen levels during menopause, perimenopause, after childbirth, or during breastfeeding, but cancer treatments like chemotherapy and pelvic radiation can also lead to low estrogen and a decrease in vaginal lubrication. Chat with your doc if you're going through any of the above or are just wondering if you have a hormone imbalance that's drying things up.
20. Connect with your body.
Clinical sexologist Kristie Overstreet, PhD, says if you simply go through the motions of sex and don’t enjoy the moment, this could be also a factor. “If you are disconnected from your body and the present moment, you aren't allowing your body to fully be aroused. This arousal is what gets the fluids pumping.”
To tap into your body more fully, Overstreet recommends practicing mindfulness and breathing exercises to connect with your physical form and stay in the moment. The more in tune you are with your body, the more you can relax and allow yourself to be turned on.
21. Get rid of the shame.
Overstreet says if you struggle with feeling guilty or dirty about having sex, this can also keep your body from getting wet. “Whether you have felt this way since you were a child or as an adult, it's important that you work through these. If your mind is telling you that what you’re doing is wrong, your body will listen to it.”
Overstreet says it’s important to explore any negative or guilty feelings you have about sex, and work to change your irrational thoughts into rational ones. Try seeing a therapist who specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy. “When your thoughts and beliefs about sex are healthy and accepting, your body will respond favorably.”
22. Communicate with your partner.
Sometimes vaginal dryness is just caused by having a low sex drive or having issues with your sexual partner. If they're not doing what they should be doing, or they are and it's just not working for you, you're not going to be as wet as you would be if you were really attracted to someone who was spinning your clit in circles like a plate on a stick.
23. Switch your soap.
Some people are allergic to chemicals in soaps, detergents, hygiene products, dyes, and perfumes, which could be on your underwear or towels, and that could cause dryness or irritation, which often go hand in hand. Even some lubes, if they're not right for you, can cause dryness, so try switching to natural detergents or a different, more natural lube.
24. And def don't douche.
In addition to keeping your cleaning routine casual, NYU professor of human sexuality and Lelo sexpert, Zhana Vrangalova, PhD, previously told Cosmopolitan there's zero need for vaginal douching. Douching alters the pH of the vagina which can make it more susceptible to infection and decreased lubrication (since it literally flushes everything out). If you think you need/want to douche, chat with your doc first since your vagina is literally a self-cleaning machine.
25. Chill TF out.
It's really hard for people to get turned on when they're stressed out and not focusing on the sexy thing at hand. And if you're too distracted to get turned on, your vagina's not going to get turned on and lubed either. So basically take a nap, have some pizza, and watch Magic Mike. Unwinding might just do the trick.
Of course, if it is severe and persistent, check in with your gynecologist to make sure it's nothing serious. And then if it's not...that Magic Mike thing though. For real.
Rachel Varina is a full-time freelance writer covering everything from the best vibrators (the Lelo Sona) to the best TV shows (The Vampire Diaries). She has over 10 years of editorial experience with bylines at Women's Health, Elite Daily, Betches, and more. She lives in Tampa, Florida, but did not feed her husband to tigers. When she's not testing out new sex toys (100+ and counting so far!), she's likely chilling with her dogs or eating buffalo chicken dip. Ideally at the same time. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter.
