It’s not exactly a secret that we are pretty much the OG experts when it comes to all things sex—like, amazing, mind-blowing sex, to be specific. From sizzling sex tips to the most adventurous sex positions to sex toys that will leave you weak, we’ve made it our business here at Cosmo to ensure mind-blowing orgasms are at the front and center of your life. And, speaking of mind-blowing orgasms, oral sex is actually one of the most reliable ways that people (especially those with clitorises) have them. Mastering the art of going down has the potential to take your sex life from good to legendary, which is why we’ve gone ahead and curated this master list of oral sex tips for you, your partner(s), and, well, pretty much everyone.
Because that’s the other great thing about oral: It really is for everyone, including people of all genders, sexual orientations, and body parts. As intimacy educator Taylor Sparks, founder of Organic Loven, explains, the wet and wild world of oral sex is sooo much more than just blow jobs—although those are pretty great too! In addition to fellatio (stimulation of the penis with the mouth), oral can also include activities like cunnilingus (stimulation of the vulva or clitoris with the mouth) or analingus (stimulation of the anus with the mouth, aka rimming).
Sparks adds that part of the reason oral sex is so hot for so many people is because the penis and clitoris both contain thousands of nerve endings that can be easily explored and stimulated with your mouth. You can also bring in toys, lube, and lots of other techniques, sexcessories, and enhancements, too. Basically, as far as sex acts go, oral is a crazy expansive and customizable one.
Now, because oral sex incorporates so many different forms of mouth-focused play, the ways to maximize it are nothing short of extensive. Luckily, we have you fully covered. From oral sex safety to amping up your oral sex skills, treat yourself to our top 55 tips. Here’s the lowdown on going down.
Oral Sex Health & Safety 101:
1. Yes, You Can Get STIs From Oral Sex
“Many people assume that there is little to no risk of STI transmission through oral sex, but this is inaccurate,” says certified sex therapist Shadeen Francis LMFT, CST. While the risk of transmission is less than with vaginal or anal intercourse, Dr. Matthews says it’s “not zero.” That’s because, hi, oral sex is still sex.
“Some of the most common STIs transmitted during oral sex and anal rimming include gonorrhea, genital herpes, and syphilis,” explains family medicine physician and the chief medical officer of Wisp, Laura Purdy, MD, MBA. Throat chlamydia, HPV, and pubic lice can also be a concern, which is why getting tested regularly, using protection, and knowing your partner’s STI status is v important.
2. It's A Good Idea to Use a Condom or Dental Dam
Speaking of protection, use it! “Condoms of any kind are a great way to prevent the transmission of STIs like herpes and syphilis during oral sex,” says Dr. Purdy. “Using a dental dam during oral sex is also an important method of decreasing the likelihood of STI transmission during oral sex. Dental dams work by covering and protecting the vagina and anus, thus aiding in the prevention of STIs.”
She does note that while barrier methods aren’t 100 percent effective in STI prevention, they play a *significant* role in risk reduction. Using barrier methods correctly will further up your odds of staying safe, so always check to make sure the barrier method you use is intact, tear-free, and hasn’t expired. Also: Condoms and dental dams are doubly essential if you’re playing with someone new, are practicing ethical non-monogamy, or are unsure of your/your partner’s STI status.
3. Oral Hygiene Is Important…
...But it can also increase your risk of contracting infections if you don't proceed with caution. (Unfair, we know.) "Avoiding brushing your teeth, flossing, or shaving (both facial and pubic hair) right before oral to lower the risk of tears, cuts, or open pores that bacteria can enter and cause an infection," says Francis.
Certified sex therapist Holly Richmond, PhD, LMFT, a member of Dame's Clinical Board suggests avoiding any oral hygiene rituals within two hours of oral sex—before and after—to cut down on the risk of infection. Oh, and FYI, mouthwash is not a get-out-of-jail-free card when it comes to STI prevention, sorry.
On the topic of mouth hygiene, sex and relationship expert Ashley Cobb adds that you’ll also want to evaluate overall mouth health before engaging in oral sex. "It's important to consider if you or your partner has any mouth sores or bleeding gums prior to engaging in oral sex." If either of you has cuts, wounds, bumps, or sores on your kisser, skip the oral and find another way to play.
On the topic of mouth hygiene, sex and relationship expert Ashley Cobb adds that you’ll also want to evaluate overall mouth health before engaging in oral sex. "It's important to consider if you or your partner has any mouth sores or bleeding gums prior to engaging in oral sex." If either of you has cuts, wounds, bumps, or sores on your kisser, skip the oral and find another way to play.
4. Watch Your Teeth
The lips and tongue might get all the attention during oral sex, but we can’t forget about the teeth; making sure your chompers *don’t* get involved is crucial. “Biting can be dangerous during oral sex, especially if you’re using a method of barrier protection like a condom or dental dam, as this can lead to a tear or rip in both forms of contraception,” explains Dr. Purdy.
Another reason biting is dangerous? It can draw blood, which Dr. Purdy says further increases the risk of STI transmission (not to mention can cause wounds that can lead to infection). She suggests being conscious of where your teeth are when giving oral sex (try keeping them covered with your lips, if possible) and checking in with your partner since sometimes it’s hard to tell if your fangs are getting in the way.
5. Oral Sex on Your Period Is (Generally) Safe
Really great news here: As long as you and your partner(s) are both STI-free, having oral sex during menstruation is considered safe. In fact, many people are extra horny on their periods, and the resulting orgasm from oral can actually help ease cramps. If you’re concerned about making a mess, getting it on in the shower or receiving oral on a lighter flow day might make you feel more comfortable.
Dr. Purdy adds that inserting a menstrual cup or using a dental dam can also provide peace of mind when receiving oral on your period, plus it can help prevent STI transmission. Win-win.
6. Consent Is Always the Golden Rule.
It doesn’t matter what kind of sex you’re having, consent is always the number one most important part. “The first thing we must consider before engaging in any type of sexual activity is consent,” says Richmond. “Check in with yourself and your partner to make sure everyone is open to giving, receiving, or both.” Practicing consent also means continuously communicating with your partner throughout the experience to make sure everybody is still enjoying themselves. “Oral sex also includes using your mouth to speak up about your preferences,” adds Richmond. “Don’t be shy about sharing how you like to receive oral sex, and be sure to ask your partner about how they like to receive it.”
Okay! Now that we’ve got the basics down, let’s get into the fun stuff, shall we? Whether it’s your first oral sex experience or you’ve basically mastered the art of giving head, there are always techniques to learn that can further enhance the experience. Keep reading for the best, expert-suggested oral sex tips that’ll take anyone from tongue-tied to orally outstanding.
Sex Tips to Maximize Your Oral Sex Experience
1. The Best Oral Is Oral *You* Enjoy, Too.
While giving pleasure is a huge part of oral sex, enjoying it yourself takes the experience to new heights. “Take your time, savor the scent of your partner, focus on what feels good for you too,” says certified sex coach Lucy Rowett, a clinical sexologist.And show that enthusiasm! “If it feels good, moan! Not only does it sound hot and the vibrations from your mouth will travel, but your genuine enjoyment will turn your partner on even more,” she adds.
2. Check In With Yourself.
Before diving below the sheets, take a second to decide if oral is what you're feeling. Preferences change day by day, so what you liked yesterday might not be the same thing you’ll like tomorrow. Not only do you want to ensure there's enthusiastic consent across the board, but if you're not in the mood to give a lil tongue action, it's going to bring down the whole experience. As mentioned, there are p-l-e-n-t-y of types of sex out there to try if you're not feeling oral. Take the pressure off yourself and just explore what feels good in the moment.
3. And Check In With Your Partner.
It's also important to make sure you and your partner(s) are on the same page. Are you both in the mood for oral? Are you giving, receiving, or 69-ing? Communication, both before and during oral play, is an important part of establishing consent and making sure the experience is as pleasurable as possible for everyone involved.
“Communication is lubrication. When giving oral sex, be sure to find out what your partner is into,” says sex and relationship expert Emily Morse, Doctor of Human Sexuality, founder and host of the podcast Sex With Emily, and chief sexologist for Playground's Sex and Wellness Council. "Some penis owners love testicle stimulation; for others, it’s not their thing. Some vulva owners enjoy having their clitoris sucked; some experience extreme discomfort. Be direct, communicative, and practice active listening to create a culture of erotic collaboration with your partner."
4. *And* Check In With Your Doctor.
Getting regular checkups is important for everyone, but NYU professor of human sexuality and Lelo sexpert Zhana Vrangalova, PhD, says it's vital for people with vulvas. "It's a good idea to check that there isn't a yeast or bacterial vaginosis infection going on," she says. "Many vaginas get these on a somewhat regular basis, so it's good to become familiar with the typical appearance and smell of your vaginal discharge over the course of the cycle, so before sex, you can check for any unusual changes."
While we're chatting about health: When was the last time you were tested for STIs? Jasmine Akins, a sexual health educator at CAN Community Health and founder of the adult sex education blog, It’s Just a Coochie, says it's a good idea to get checked at least yearly—yup, even if you're monogamous. You should also know the symptoms of the most common STIs. Be on the lookout for things like burning when you pee, genital itching, and discharge. Keep in mind that for people with penises, discharge is never normal.
"People with vaginas sometimes have a harder time noticing these changes in their bodies because discharge is the body's natural way of cleaning itself," Akins explains. That's why getting tested is always a good idea.
5. Stay Hydrated!
Generally speaking, wetter sex is better sex, and that applies to oral sex, too. One of the easiest ways to stay lubricated while performing oral sex is good old-fashioned hydration, so keep a glass of water on hand, and don't be afraid to take a hydration break if you need one!
If you tend to get a dry mouth when giving oral, keep some mints (like those buzzy mouth-watering mints from TikTok) or chewing gum in your bedside table for easy access before going down. Specifically, anything with “xylitol” in it can help kickstart saliva function, as ob-gyn Wendy Askew, MD previously explained to Cosmopolitan. Just make sure your pets don't get into the gum—xylitol is poisonous to them.
6. Practice Good Hygiene.
PSA: You smell and taste perfectly fine! Do not feel self-conscious about your body for any reason because you! are! perfect!
But, it's easy to get in your head about these things, especially when you're with a new partner. So if it's really bugging you and you want to just relax, you won't lose anything by taking a shower or using an unscented wipe on your genitals. Not only do you want to keep things clean to avoid spreading bacteria, but just the act of wiping down can alleviate some anxiety and make you feel more confident.
"Most people prefer that the genitals are relatively clean when they go down on their partners, as smegma accumulates, and smell and taste become more intense the longer it's been," explains Vrangalova. "If you showered an hour or two before, it's probably not necessary. If you showered 10 hours ago, then probably yes."
Again, it all depends on what you've been doing and how comfortable you are with your partner. But remember: Vaginas are supposed to smell like vaginas. There's nothing wrong with you or your natural scent, so don't let anyone shame you into thinking differently, mmk?
7. But Please, Please, Please Don't Douche.
Vrangalova confirms there's zero need for vaginal douching or even using heavy soaps. Douching is actually really bad because it alters the pH of the vagina, which makes it more susceptible to infection and bacteria. Rarely is there an instance where someone needs to douche, which is why Vrangalova suggests sticking to a mild soap to keep everything squeaky clean.
8. Avoid Foods That Change the Smell of Your Urine.
Do you ever notice that your pee smells different after too much coffee or asparagus? That's because what you eat can sometimes impact your smell and taste, explains Vrangalova. So it might be a good idea to avoid anything too pungent, like the aforementioned coffee and asparagus, but also anything too garlicky or sugary that can also impact your vagina's natural taste and smell.
But, again, keep in mind that your vagina self-cleans, so no need to worry. Your natural scent is completely normal, so do not let anyone judge you for it.
9. Take a Class.
If you feel self-conscious or just want to up your game, Cobb suggests taking a class, either solo or with your partner. Luckily, there are a lot of oral sex classes—as well as other types of sex classes—available online and in person. "Take a class, watch a tutorial on YouTube, practice at home with a banana," says Cobb. Whatever helps you feel prepared and confident in your abilities.
10. Make a Playlist.
For many people, slow and steady wins the orgasm race, which is why Lovehoney’s sex and relationship expert, Jessica O’Reilly, PhD, suggests really taking your time before even making genital contact. "If you tend to rush, play music and wait for a song or two to finish before diving in between their legs," says O’Reilly. Besides, a solid sex playlist can help amp you up and get you feeling frisky, no matter the type of sex you're having.
11. Give Them a Nose Job.
Yes, your tongue and lips are v important when giving oral sex, but O’Reilly says you shouldn’t ignore one of your face’s other A+ sex orifices: your nose. “If you’re going down on a vulva, use the tip of your nose to slide right inside or roll around the head of the clit,” she suggests. “Let them grind against your face as you nod up and down, back and forth, or all around.”
12. Try a ~Slow Job~.
Quick movements are great and all, but sometimes you gotta go reeeeeeal slow. If your partner has a penis, O’Reilly suggests taking between 15 and 30 seconds to slowly slide your mouth from base to tip. And on vulvas, the same concept applies—lick from the top to the bottom of the clit as slowly as possible, then gently breathe some warm air along the wet path you just created. “This is a powerful (advanced) technique that can heighten sensation for both parties,” O’Reilly explains.
When it comes to cunnilingus, NYC-based sex coach Cara Kovacs recommends kissing your partner outside their panties (like, on their mouth) for a while until they're begging for you. “Many people with vaginas need more time to warm up, and gentle touching is a great preface,” she explains. As recommended via a podcast from the pros at Pleasure Mechanics, try stimulating (or asking your partner to stimulate) your whole body first, starting from your legs and working inward toward your clitoris.
13. Keep Going When They're Done.
Technically there’s no limit to how many times someone with a vagina can orgasm in one session, so why not keep going after they climax to see if you can give them a second one? Same goes for the other way, too: If your partner has a penis, don't pull away as soon as they orgasm. Lightly stimulate the shaft with your hand or mouth to give them all-over shivers.
14. Touch Yourself.
Yes, a tongue is way different than a finger or a toy, but knowing what works for you when you’re solo is a great place to start when explaining what you want your partner to do when they’re thigh-deep and ready to go. Do you like constant pressure or increasing pressure? How about speed and pace?
Another great way to give oral sex is to make yourself feel good while you're at it. This doesn't mean you have to 69 (unless that's your thing), but consider giving yourself some pleasure while you're giving it. "Fantasize. Touch yourself. Wear a vibrating toy," suggests O’Reilly. "Do whatever it takes to get yourself turned on, and enthusiasm will flow naturally."
15. Eat healthier, Taste Better.
Don’t get it twisted. We’re absolutely not saying that eating one certain food is going to make your taste better. This is a myth that has been spurred on by the media, much to the chagrin of sexual health experts far and wide.
We’re also not saying that you need to worry about or assume that you taste bad naturally—a caustic, misogynistic myth that has been sold to vulva-havers to shame and restrict their bodies and sexuality for, well, pretty much ever. Vulvas are not supposed to taste like strawberries, peaches and cream, or—for fuck’s sake—pineapple. They are supposed to taste like vulva—healthy vulva.
What we ARE saying is that an overall healthy diet leads to overall better tasting and smelling downstairs bits. “It involves adding more fruits and vegetables daily, decreasing your meat consumption, and increasing your water intake,” Sparks says. When we have a healthy body, we smell (and taste) healthy. It’s as simple as that.
16. Consider Sharing Some Words of Positive Affirmation.
“Speak positive words, affirmations, either out loud or to yourself, about the penis or [vulva] that you will be pleasuring,” Sparks says. It may sound a bit woo-woo to, like, try to have a convo with your genitals, but sometimes saying kind things to your body (or someone else’s) really can have a positive effect on pleasure. In any event, it literally can’t hurt!
17. Try Using Sex Toys on All Partners, Even Those Who Don’t Have a Vagina.
If your mouth and hands are tired (they do a lot of work all day, we get it!), or even if they’re not, you can and should bring in some non-human assistance. With your partner’s permission, add a butt plug, anal beads, or a vibrator to up the ante.
Ideally, you’ve already got a few vibrators you use for your own pleasure lying around. These can also be a great way to add a new sensation when giving oral sex on people with penises. Sex expert Tyomi Morgan recommends a massage wand with a curved tip that makes it extra easy to tease your partner. (We suggest the Happy Rabbit Rechargeable Wand Vibrator from Lovehoney!)
18. Use a Cock Ring.
While you're exploring sex toys, might we suggest a vibrating ring? If you or your partner has a penis, O’Reilly says a cock ring is kinda revolutionary. Just be prepared: Your SO probably won't last long, so this is great to use when you're in a time crunch.
19. Experiment With Different Types of *Oral* Sex Toys.
While very few things are going to exactly recreate the feeling of a tongue, some newer vibrators come pretty close. For those with vulvas, there are typically two kinds of toys that mimic the pleasure of oral sex: suction vibrators (that feel like suction and use waves and vibration for an ultra-intense oral feeling) and faux-tongue-like toys (that have rubber or silicone nubbins that mimic the more superficial feeling of a literal tongue on your vulva).
When it comes to suction vibes, we recommend the Lelo Sona 2, as it’s been the most popular suction vibrator among staff and many experts, although you can’t go wrong with a Womanizer vibrator either since they also specialize in suction toys.
For faux-tongue-mimicry, we like the Lelo Ora 3, which has a thin layer of silicone stretched over a drum with a tongue-like nubbin that moves in circles and different patterns that, along with vibration, can feel very real.
If you’re someone who is typically a bit uncomfy getting oral, getting acquainted with these kinds of toys can open up a whole new world of pleasurable receiving, so you can go into your next oral session with full confidence knowing how good it can make you feel (if you want, ofc!). You can also use these toys with a partner the next time your tongue gets tired or to show your partner how you like to be pleasured.
20. Try a Blowjob Sleeve.
For those with penis-having partners, a blowjob sleeve (like this oral stroker from Cake) can be a great way to reacquaint themselves with just how pleasurable oral can really be. You can use it together or have them use it on their own and report back to make it more of a couple's activity.
If you love the idea of blowjob sleeves but still want to be actively involved, snip the end of a Tenga egg off and use it as a sub for your mouth when you get tired during a BJ.
21. Try it Blindfolded.
If you really want to turn things up, Morgan recommends blindfolding your partner (obvi with their permission), as it heightens the senses and makes erogenous zones even more sensitive. Tickle their vulva, labia, shaft, balls, or head with a vibrator while blindfolded and the sensation gets even more intense.
22. Compliment Their Genitals.
Don’t you feel sexy and empowered when your partner compliments you? Return the favor and do the same for them. “There’s nothing more amazing than hearing what your partner likes about your genitals,” says sex and relationship coach Azaria Menezes. Not only does it boost the turn-on factor and your confidence, but it’ll also probably get them even more revved up knowing how genuinely excited and enthusiastic you are to be with them at that moment. In fact, “the more detailed your compliments, the sexier,” she adds.
Also: Regardless of which gender you’re performing oral on, being told that your genitals straight-up taste good is an insane turn-on. If you’re so into your partner that the pheromones in your brain are kicking in and being like, ‘Yes, this is amazing, every part of it,’ tell them so! Enthusiasm is super effing hot.
23. Use Your Hands.
You should never be doing anything in bed that feels uncomfortable, but if you’re coming up against a bit of muscle fatigue, incorporate your best hand job techniques into the mix. Try using both of your hands or rubbing in different directions while, at the same time, flicking your tongue over the tip of the penis or clit.
While you can def use your hands on your partner’s genitals during oral, it can also be really pleasurable to have your fingers take a break from their junk and use your hands on other parts of their body, says Menezes. Use the opportunity to grab, clutch, or rub their inner thighs and hips, or even just grasp their hands.
24. You Don’t Have to Shave If You Don’t Want To, JFYI
While shaving, waxing, lasering, and other forms of hair removal may be your jam, you don’t have to do any of it in preparation for oral sex if you don’t want to. It’s all about personal preference.
You can even experiment with different pubic hairstyles, from a full shave to a full bush. It’s all about creating an experience that feels authentic (and hot!) for you. “You will have your own preference, and the most important thing is what feels good to you, not an arbitrary beauty standard,” Rowett says.
25. Don't Be Afraid to Make Some Noise.
Even a long “mhm” works here! Not only is being vocal during sex a turn-on, but the sounds may also create small, pleasurable vibrations, says Menezes. These vibrations, hums, and noises can add even more to the feeling of both giving and receiving oral sex.
Also, try not to feel weird about some of the—ahem—less cute noises you might make. "Let your sounds emanate without inhibition," says O'Reilly. "Suck, slurp, lick, don't hold back." Not only do these noises also create those feel-good vibrations, but many people find the animalistic quality a total turn-on."
26. Incorporate Eye Contact.
This one works equally well with both giving and receiving. This is a good way to connect to your partner even if your mouth is full (lol), and it’s a huge turn-on for your partner to look you in the eye when giving you oral, says Menezes.
27. Be Present.
Being present and focused on giving oral is one of those things where your enthusiasm is nearly guaranteed to turn your partner on, Menezes says. Think about how meh it is when someone is going down on you, but their face and body language are very much reading like, “Okay, how much longer do I have to do this?” Not enjoyable, right? If you really wanna turn your partner on, enthusiasm is key here—not to mention it sets the standard for *both* partners to really give it their all during oral.
Kovacs recommends vocal enthusiasm, eye contact, and smiling to show your partner how much you enjoy pleasing them. It’s also important to be okay with messiness. “Show your partner that you like having their deliciousness all over your face. That nothing about them doesn’t turn you on and that you delight in their delight,” says Kovacs.
28. Use Your Tongue on Their Whole Body.
We already talked about paying attention to your partner’s body with your hands, but remember: Your tongue is a self-lubricating textured muscle that happens to be pretty strong. Work in some licking and sucking on all parts of your partner’s body, like their collarbone, fingers, and more to really turn up the heat.
29. Try Going Deeper If, and Only If, You’re Comfy With It.
While going deep is A Thing in porn, it doesn’t have to be a part of your oral game if you’re not cool with it. Some people like the full sensation or the excess moisture it causes, but that doesn’t mean it’s for everyone.
Dental expert Jarrett Manning, DDS, previously told Cosmopolitan the anecdotal trick of “going deeper for more mucousy spit” is actually the result of tricking your body into gagging. Keep in mind this is basically making your body engage in a fight-or-flight response, so only do it if you’re 100 percent okay with it. If your partner is super into the idea of full-penis sensation, you can deliver that easily without deep-throating.
Try wrapping your hand around the bottom of their shaft and taking the rest of them in your mouth. Or place the tip of your tongue on the roof of your mouth. Then let their peen hit the underside of your tongue. No gagging necessary.
30. If You’re Not Already Using Lube, Start.
You might think of lube as just for penetrative sex, but saliva isn’t always as reliable as having a legit eight ounces of the stuff ready to go on your bedside table. Whether you’re giving or getting head on someone with a penis or a vulva, a good lube is going to make the whole thing way easier and more pleasurable for both parties. Plus, it takes some of the pressure off the giver as well.
31. Get Into Flavored Lubes and Condoms.
If you’re going down on someone with a penis, you may as well experiment with different flavors! Lots of companies make flavored lube formulas that taste just slightly fruity or minty, not like candy-coated toxic waste. Dr. Purdy adds that flavored condoms—which are specifically made for oral—are also a great option *and* can help prevent STI transmission. Just make sure not to use flavored lube on vaginas (or wear a flavored condom for penetration) since they could cause infection. Womp womp.
32. Get Creative With (Comfortable!) Positions.
Penetrative sex shouldn’t get all the fun body contortions. Mix up your oral game by physically moving around and trying new positions, just like you would during penetration. Of course, there’s no need to perform acrobatic stunts while you’re giving head if you don’t feel like it. The experience will be about a thousand times more satisfying for everyone involved if you’re comfortable.
“Choose positions that you can hold comfortably for 20-25 minutes,” says Francis. “Neck strains or pins-and-needles sensations are not especially sexy.” There are plenty of comfortable oral sex positions that make going down less, Ouch, my foot/thigh/neck is cramping and more, Ahhhh, this feels nice. Try lying on your back while your SO kneels over you or arranging pillows to make things softer. Trust us—feeling comfy is key when it comes to pleasure of any kind.
If you’re having trouble orgasming in a standard partner-in-between-your-legs position, switch it up and mount their face, being careful not to apply too much pressure. It allows your partner to access a totally new angle that might be just what you need to get there.
33. Experiment With Suction on the Clitoris.
Cunnilingus is often associated with licking, but suction on the clitoris can also feel extremely good. Have your partner try lightly sucking on the external part of your clitoris after tons of licking around the labia to get you warmed up (direct clitoral sensation like this can be too much right off the bat), or try sucking on your partner’s clit.
It helps to think of the clit as a tiny penis, and the objective is to give the world’s gentlest blow job. No ~pressure~ if this isn’t for you, though! Some simply prefer a gentle flicking motion instead.
34. Keep Your Undies On.
Have your partner keep your undies on during all the foreplay of oral, exhaling their warm breath over the fabric of your panties, lightly tugging on the elastic with their teeth, etc. When you can’t take it anymore, and they’re about to make mouth-to-vulva contact, have them push your underwear to the side as they go to town. The primal gotta-have-you-now effect of keeping your undies on will make things even hotter.
35. Get Familiar With the Kivin Method.
Instead of having your partner approach your vulva with the clit in the north end of their oral compass, have them lie perpendicularly so your clit is now located in the east or west positions. This way, they can lick your clit from the new north to south, aka side-to-side, for what some say is a truly game-changing oral experience called the Kivin method.
36. Keep Talking.
Yes, your mouth may be occupied, but when you have—ahem—a spare moment, try narrating as you give oral. There’s more than one way to use your mouth for sex, after all, so tell your partner exactly what you’re doing and how.
And *speaking* of talking, O’Reilly says communication before, during, and after is so basic, but so necessary. Neither one of you can read the other’s mind during sex, so speak up if there’s something you want that they're not delivering. “Talk about what you like and dislike, what turns you on and off, what feels emotionally pleasurable, and what feels physically pleasurable,” she says. There are tons of ways to verbalize it if you feel a little tongue-tied, like “It’s so hot when you...” or “I’d love it if you’d try....”
37. Do it Spontaneously.
Whether you’re bored watching some documentary or just randomly got horny at the breakfast table, turn a mundane situation into an extremely thrilling one with a quick oral sesh (always, of course, with the full enthusiastic consent from your partner). A rut can also look like doing very exciting sex things always at the same time/in the same place. Mix it all up by bringing your sex life into new and unexpected places.
38. Put Oral Sex Porn on in the Background.
Not all porn is created equal, and there are tons of ethical, feminist porn options out there for those who are so inclined to enjoy. Find a flick you both like, maybe watch for some new moves or tips, and then get to it while the people onscreen are getting to it behind you.
39. Use Your Breath.
Mare Simone, a certified tantra educator, says using your hot breath to stimulate nerve endings is an amazing way to amp up oral. This works just as well with fellatio as it does with cunnilingus. Next time you’re going down on your partner, just take a step back to breathe on their sensitive parts before making contact. The suspense will turn them on in ways you didn’t know were possible.
40. Try Some Light Prostate Play.
Did you know you can stimulate a penis-haver's prostate externally without actually inserting any fingers or toys in the booty? Kovacs suggests stimulating your partner’s perineum (located between their anus and balls) by gently massaging the area while going down on them.
41. And Consider Trying Analingus.
Rimming, also known as analingus, is the act of orally pleasuring the anus, which can involve licking, sucking, kissing, and any other pleasurable act that involves oral-to-anal contact. As with all oral sex, you want to make sure everything's clean, but other than that, don't be scared to try it out if your partner is into it! Many—regardless of gender or orientation—find it extremely pleasurable.
42. Spread the Labia.
Along the same lines of not being bashful, CalExotics’ resident sexologist, Jill McDevitt, PhD, says it’s really important to spread the labia during cunnilingus. This way, your partner has the space to approach the clitoris from all angles and sides. “Typically, beginners are really bashful about this, but spread the labia wide, get in the folds, and sensation will improve,” she says. This is also good to keep in mind when you’re receiving cunnilingus. Don’t be afraid to reach down and ~show yourself~ to your partner.
43. Don't Wait Until the End to Switch Things Up.
As many people get close to orgasm, they typically just want you to keep doing that one thing you’re doing without stopping till they get there. A little boring, but whatever. However, to build up anticipation at the beginning, you can try shaking up your routine. Think alternating longer ice cream-style licks with more traditional full-mouth-over-the-genital sucking.
44. You Don't Need to Swallow.
When, where, and how your partner ejaculates should be something both of you discuss and agree upon. Commit this to your memory: You literally never need to swallow during a blow job, nor does your partner need to finish in your mouth at all! You might find it incredibly sexy to watch them finish elsewhere, on your body or their body—there are tons of options.
45. And They Don't Need to Ejaculate.
Some folks don’t actually want going down to be the main event. According to a Cosmo poll, 54 percent of people with penises simply like oral as a precursor to another type of sex. So if it feels like a particular BJ has run its course, switch it up and try something else. Also: Ejaculation isn’t the defining factor of a play session being over or successful. It’s okay if sex ends before an orgasm or ejaculation!
46. Incorporate Nipple Play.
Being stimulated in multiple areas can help you reach climax more quickly. So while their tongue is at work, have them play with your nipples. In the beginning, they should softly stroke your nips, but as you get closer, they can squeeze if you’re into that. And if that extra pressure feels good, you could take it one step further with nipple clamps. Clip them on as you’re starting to get aroused to see just how pleasurable some light pain can be.
47. Cooling Down Can Be Very Hot.
Your temperature rises slightly when you’re aroused, so anything cool will be a pleasurable jolt to your senses. Point a fan in your direction so that while your partner’s between your legs, you’re feeling both the warmth from their mouth and a cool breeze. The combo is unexpected, and anything surprising can send you over the edge, says O’Reilly. You can also try having them put an ice cube in their mouth before going down on you for even easier, DIY temperature play.
48. There’s a Digital Version of Oral.
Here’s a unique way to give your partner’s frenulum—the tiny bump on the underside of the penis where the shaft meets the tip—some special attention: Place the tip of your finger on it, then take their shaft (along with your finger) into your mouth. As you move your mouth up and down, rub your finger over the F-spot.
49. Turn the Lights Off.
A shocking number of people have trouble letting go mentally and enjoying oral sex when their partner goes down on them. If you find it hard to stay in the moment, try keeping the lights off. This way you’re less likely to be distracted by your surroundings and more likely to float off into ready-to-orgasm land.
Rachel Varina is a full-time freelance writer covering everything from the best vibrators (the Lelo Sona) to the best TV shows (The Vampire Diaries). She has over 10 years of editorial experience with bylines at Women's Health, Elite Daily, Betches, and more. She lives in Tampa, Florida, but did not feed her husband to tigers. When she's not testing out new sex toys (100+ and counting so far!), she's likely chilling with her dogs or eating buffalo chicken dip. Ideally at the same time. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter.
